Exploring The Zompies Oven

The Pieland exploration continues to the Zompies Oven, where the ultimate test of courage is about to begin. The livelihood of the Octopies has been in a steady decline since the Ovens of Pieland went cold two months ago on March 22, 2022. In an effort to bring back the Ovens to working order, each of the nine Slices sent a member to form the Fellowship of the Octopies (FOTO). The Fellowship inspected seven Ovens, in order - Piesons, Pieborgs, Doughbots, Pielanders, Pierates, Piesces, and Vampiers. That last Oven scared the daylights out of some of the Octopies.

And it was about to get much darker. The Fellowship trekked farther down a complicated maze of chambers led by the Zompie member. They followed a winding pathway alongside a river passage with crumbled tombstone and stoneware, calcified hatchets, and slate gargoyles scattered on the rocks. The Fellowship wondered if these old relics were part of an ancient Zompies ritual that used to involve sacrifices. Shadowy Octopie-like figures danced and flickered along the sides of the limestone walls from the corner of the members’ eyes.

The Zompie led the team in front of a narrow suspension bridge. The long, decrepit bridge was the only way to access the Zompies Oven. The glass in the front of the oven was smashed open and a decaying tree was growing out of the top. One Fellowship member muttered that a cold Oven probably made little impact to the performance of the poorly-maintained Zompies Oven. The Vampier representative laughed in a low, strange tone and explained that their Oven was actually in the best condition it had been in years. Unfortunately, no one except the Vampiers or Expieriments members understood the grunts and moaning sounds of the Zompie language.

The poorly-maintained Zompies Oven.

The questions were obvious, but everyone was too proud (or too chicken) to ask. Finally, a Pieborg spoke up. “Mmmm, who is going to cross that very unstable-looking bridge? And who is going to inspect the Zompies Oven?” The Zompie representative made a gurgling sound and headed across the suspension bridge, dragging several tentacles slowly behind. The other Octopies remained silent, lost in thought about the wild rumors about the Zompies. Were the tales of crustannibalism true? Were the Zompies all inside the Oven waiting to eat the FOTO? Didn’t the Zompie delegate look especially hungry? And why was there so much sticky pie filling on the ground?

The sneaky Pierate suddenly shoved the Pielander forward and loudly congratulated the representative for volunteering to explore the Oven. The Piesons delegate, witnessing the cowardly exchange, offered to join the Pielander. The pair took a deep breath and hurried after the Zompie.

When the pair arrived at the Oven entrance, dozens of Zompies stepped out from the dark shadows and surrounded them. The Zompies formed a circle and slowly began to close in on the pair. “Are they going to eat us? Are they saying brains?” the Pielander screamed. “Why do they keep saying brains!”

The Zompies delegate moved into the middle of the circle and gurgled and grunted at the other Zompies. There was some tentacle waving, some pointing at half-eaten brains, and plenty of ghoulish noises. After the ghastly exchange, the Zompies disbanded and slid off to their dark shadows and corners. The Pielander followed closely behind the Zompie delegate and clung to the Pieson.

The three Fellowship members made their way through the Oven uneventfully. The rooms were darker than any other Ovens they had seen, even darker than the Piesces Oven that sat at the bottom of the ocean. Empty corridors led to empty rooms. There were no supplies or ingredients. And no other Octopies inside. Everything felt lacking and silent, much like the inside of a Zompie’s head.

Then a faint, unmistakable noise emanated from a nearby room. The group walked towards the moist and grotesque sound and saw a Zompie… eating an Octopie. The Pielander screamed in fear and horror and ran towards the exit. The Pieson turned around and threw up and then also ran out of the Oven. The rest of the Fellowship tried to calm down the Pielander, who was hyperventilating into a paper bag. They turned to the Pieson for an explanation, but the search party member was still in shock.

The Pielander grabbed the Pierate delegate by the beard and shouted that they just saw a Zompie eating the flesh of another Octopie. The Fellowship was outraged and began shouting. The Piesces demanded the Zompies be kicked out of the Fellowship. The Doughbot accused the Vampier of knowing about this gruesome secret and not disclosing it. The Pieson and Pielander blamed the rest of the group for not joining them on the worst Oven inspection to date.

In the midst of the arguing and shouting, the Zompie representative calmly returned to the group. The horrified Fellowship backed away from the Zompie as if it had a contagious virus and bolted back towards the land where the Vampiers reside.